


Lebanon

by make_your_user_a_name



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s14e13 Lebanon, Homophobic John Winchester, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, One Shot, Supportive Mary Winchester, Supportive Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24284224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/make_your_user_a_name/pseuds/make_your_user_a_name
Summary: Just a way the dinner in the episode "Lebanon" could have gone. Very loosely tied to my other fic, "Why Shouldn't He Be Happy"
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 155





	Lebanon

**Author's Note:**

> Low trigger warning, but still tw: homophobic language

A family dinner. Dean had longed for this since he had been a child. A loving father and a loving mother joined by their two sons to just eat together. No talk of monsters or of demons, of God or the Devil. He, more than anyone else in the family, wanted this. He would fight for his family until his dying breath. As a kid, and well into his adult life, that family was his mom, his dad, and Sam. The picture-perfect, completely normal family. Now, his family was an angel of the Lord, the son of Lucifer, and his brother. And he would fight tooth and nail to keep that family. But that didn’t stop him from clinging to the old dream. 

In his head, it had always been a family without all the scars, without all the darkness, without all the trauma. But in reality, even here, where his wish was finally coming true, it was a fractured and fragile thing. Any wrong move could send it tumbling down, breaking his childish hope once and for all. 

“You boys have done well. Better than I could have imagined.” John was sitting across the table, eyes glistening from the rushed and extremely abridged account Sam had given of the last decade or so. He’d left out so much, barely even mentioning Cas and Jack, focusing on the apocalyptic crises they had averted, not how they had averted them. And Dean knew it was to try and preserve this family they had created, if only for a brief moment. Some of the things he and Sam had done--he would be furious. 

“I can’t believe you’re back.” It was a whisper. And not the first time it had been spoken since John had been back either. His eyes had barely left Mary’s face. His hand always rested on hers. Dean could see in his eyes the fear, the disbelief. As if letting go of her for one moment would mean she would disappear forever. He’d seen it in his own eyes, every single time someone he loved came back. It didn’t matter how real they were, how often it happened to them. The pain of losing them, the fear when they came back. It was always as raw and fresh as the first time. 

“This is what I always wanted.” They were all letting him do most of the talking. Dean felt himself reverting to the scared soldier he had been around his dad. Almost reverent devotion as he looked on him and let him take the lead. Too scared to say something wrong and take the consequence that came with it. The man felt as untouchable, as unreal as he had all those years ago. But he was just a man. He was his father, and they were together again. Even if it was just for one day. That was all that mattered. 

“Just my Mary, little Sammy, and Dean. Just the three of you all together.” Dean saw Mary smile softly with a slight tilt of her head. An alarm bell went off deep in his mind, in the part he’d been able to retire after John had died. 

“Well, it’s not just us.” Her smile grew as she spoke and Sam smiled too. So Dean smiled with them. He couldn’t figure out why he didn’t like the direction this conversation was taking. 

“What do you mean?”   
“Jack lives here. Castiel still lives here, too,” Mary said calmly. “They’re our family.”

John glanced sharply at Dean, a dangerous look in his eye. 

“Castiel lives here?” It wasn’t really a question. Dean read it as a threat. The repressed part of his mind was on full alert now, and flashes of memory were entering, flashes he didn’t want to see. Not tonight. Not when he had the real family, the whole family, that he wanted. 

“Of course.” Mary was still smiling. “I wish he was here, John. I wish you could meet him. He’s taken such good care of Dean, of both our boys.” Sam’s eyes lifted and met Dean’s, and frowned when he saw the panic in them.

“Has he now?” John’s voice lowered with each word, soft and threatening. 

“You would like him.” Mary was too far into her bliss, too far into the same dream Dean had, their perfect family. She didn’t notice John’s hand clenching and unclenching repeatedly. 

Silence hung in the air for a few minutes. Sam looked nervously between his father and his brother, still unaware what was happening. Still wanting to help Dean. Mary stood up to clear the dishes from the table, but John spoke before she could.

“I thought you were done with this shit, Dean.”

“Dad--” John’s vicious glare cut him off. It was mocking, full of disappointment. 

Dean tried again. “Dad, it’s not like that. Seriously.” Sam’s eyes widened and Dean nodded once in confirmation. He opened his mouth to speak but Dean shook his head once and his lips set in a tight line. Mary stayed frozen, watching the situation unfold with bright eyes. 

“It’s disgusting, Dean. I can’t believe this. After everything--”

“Dad, would you leave him alone? It’s not what you think. And even if it was, what gives you the right--” Sam trailed off, but Dean knew he wanted to say more. His fingers were clenched in fists under the table and his chest was rising and falling rapidly. He didn’t want to ruin John Winchester for their mother, though. Didn’t want to show the side of him that so rarely came out, only when he was drunk or exhausted. The side that was created after she died. 

John only sneered. “And here I thought I’d finally gotten the last bit of faggot out of my son.” 

Dean winced. He could still feel them. The fists striking his face, his chest. The cold hardwood floor of the motel pressed against his cheek as he raised his arms in a futile attempt to ward off the blows. The tears that he couldn’t stop from falling sliding down his cheeks. 

And the feeling of worthlessness. Because John rarely hit him. He never hit Sammy, of course. But he hit Dean. When he really messed up. And this time, he’d really messed up. What the hell had he been thinking, bringing a guy home? John was right. It wasn’t natural, and his father didn’t raise him to be like this. He shouldn’t be like this. 

The slap rang out across the room and pulled Dean from his memory. Mary was standing facing John, and as he stood up to face her, she looked small and alone. 

“Don’t you dare talk to my son like that.”

“So what? We’re supposed to stand by while he fucks a twink angel?”

“I don’t know how you drew that conclusion, John. And I don’t really care. But it’s wrong. That’s not what this is.” Dean looked at the floor. It wasn’t what it was. It never could be. 

“But if you’ve done something to Dean, if you’ve made him deny a part of himself for all these years, I swear to God, John Winchester--” Sam had stood up too, leaving Dean alone at the table. He felt smaller than all of them, and he wished they would just shut up. Just leave it. He didn’t want to talk about it, and they only had a few hours left. There was no point bringing up a past that couldn’t be changed, tarnishing a memory that was still golden, still beloved. Tarnishing the man they all looked up to. 

A tense silence settled into the room. Dean still wouldn’t stand up to John. He wouldn’t yell at him. He’d thought, after all these years, maybe being the perfect son didn’t matter. But it still did. 

“Mom, it’s fine. There’s nothing to any of this-” he ignored Sam narrowing his eyes- “Can we please just finish dinner?” After meeting his eyes, seeing the broken vulnerable plea he couldn’t hide, she nodded and sat down. 

It was amazing how quickly the tension left the air. How quickly they all ignored the obvious. But it wasn’t surprising. Sam and Dean had been doing it all their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't actually think John's that much of an abusive asshole, but here we are.
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated mucho:)


End file.
